The Bezonians should be buried

I think they call this a gun? Credit: Saints and Savages

The Bezonians starts off rough-and-ready and with what I hope is tongue-in-cheek humour, as the characterisations are so crass and machismo driven – although allegedly this is a crime thriller.

Plato runs the Bezonians Social Club in North London, where generations of Cypriot immigrants have gambled away their savings supposedly.

When Plato (Andreas Karras) makes the mistake of playing poker with devious bombshell Lola (Lois Brabin-Platt), the fate of the club is threatened.

The film stars ex-footballer and film hard-man Vinnie Jones (Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels/Snatch) and is everything you would expect from this man to be fair.

Nothing about this film is politically correct and it is unlikely to cheer any sane woman up, if it cheers up some men I have to worry.

The plots characters are not likeable in the slightest, with the main character’s wife Plato being one of the very few characters, woman or man, I was sympathetic with.

The humour largely misses the mark as there is absolutely no subtlety.

It could have been pastiche comedy gold, instead it screams unrealistic, tactless, B movie.

The frank narration is its strongest storytelling device and there are moments where it promises Italian Job style humour, but never really delivers.

Sadly, the crass humour and rough edges may only leave you feeling more depressed about life.

Don’t bother with watching this to see if I’m being fair, you would struggle to get much out of it drunk and stoned, I am trying to save you an evening.

Although some of the acting is surprisingly good given the script.

British crime thriller The Bezonians available from Blu-ray, DVD & Digital Download from 2 May.

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Sarah Morgan

Sarah Morgan

I am an experienced journalist. My first joint book on mental health recovery was published in 2011. I was short-listed for aviation journalism awards in 2010.